Alright, folks, I'd like to take this moment to bring to your attention a grave, terrible, and tragic matter. This matter, being, sharks. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the very same sharks that you went to elementary school with, have become a drain on society. I mean, think about it, all they do is sit around, fucking look menacing, and eat shit (like plankton.) They don't even vote! They just use all these natural resources, like plankton, water, and pay-per-view (I used to think that it was paper-view and was so confused! oh my misguided youth...anyways.) I'm just sayin' ya know, they don't do shit. It's 2006! The year of the future! We have technology! We don't even need sharks anymore! They're so outdated. People have no qualms throwing away their old computers and killing fetuses, but when it comes to sharks suddenly everybody is like, "Conserve! Conserve! These are the sharks of our children's' future!" And I'm like, damn, I've seen a shark up close, they ain't even that cool. They're all like, "Hey, we be sharks." and shit. And their teeth, I mean what's up with that? They can't even bite, they have to gnaw.



Which is why, I propose, a two step program to help rehabilitate the sharks of our community. First, we have a "No Shark Gets Left Behind" program, in which we use education to keep them off the streets and out of gangs. Secondly, we create a killer super army of bioengineered sharks of doom. I mean, it always works in the movies. Think of all the money we would save on food, weapons, and transportation (among other, equally awesome things.) All they need to survive is raw flesh and the occasional shoulder to cry on, I know, I for one, could offer that if it meant the betterment of my country. And that's what it comes down to, being patriotic. If you don't support Proposition 234.5: Shark Army, then you are indeed letting the terrorists win. And by terrorists, I mean Hillary Duff. Think about the children, that's all I ask.