You know what I think is absolutely ridiculous? (No, Rachel, please go on) I think autographs are probably like the most useless piece of crap since like the fucking student council constitution. A kind young lady was telling me today about how when she was in New York she saw Gerard fucking Way. She described a scene in which basically hoards of people were vying for autographs. Later, I thought to myself, what the hell are you going to do with a autograph? Answer: create a new source of clean energy.

Autographs don't really prove anything, people sign random shit all the time. Teachers sign hall passes, people sign checks, I sign receipts. Sometimes people sign things as *gasp* other people. Sure, it's call forgery and is rather illegal. But it's possible. All, I'm saying, is that when Gerard goes to Starbucks, buys 5 Lite Green Tea Frappacinos, pays with his credit card, signs his receipt (as is customary is most western countries) and BAM you have Cajun linguini. NO. Just kidding. I meant, BAM you have a autograph.

And do you know how many little chillins scan autographs into their computers and post them on the internet? Answer: 94565469.4 Basically, all I'm trying to say, is that autographs are easily forged. I remember, when I was in Disney Land (World), way back when I was still a naive fetus (too short to ride Space Mountain...not much has changed), I remember meeting all the famous characters. I was about three apples high (as is customary in most western countries) running around with this stupid red autograph collecting book. Needless to say, I was pretty siked. But alas, my dreams were dashed, as I noticed that the characters were not authentically signing my book, but rather stamping it. STAMPING IT. Now, okay, I forgave the Ninja Turtles, because obvs they cannot hold a pen, as they are turtles. But, I mean, Jasmine, come on! What a skank!

I think, what I'm trying to get at, is that next time you see Gerard Way, you should probs punch him in the face and steal his credit cards. Or, conversely, ask for a picture with him, because, the photograph is proof (I know you know). Additionally, if you happen to see any one of the Ninja Turtles, I would appreciate it if you called me or at least sent a txt message.

Okay, now let's not talk about this again, or the fallacies in this argument.

i think i've decided to give up matthew mcconaughey for lent. matthew mcconaughey, is not an american hero.






ALSO, PROJECT RUNWAY: WHO SAW THAT ONE COMING? I TOTS CRIED.

i challenge you to find one wrong thing about philip seymour hoffman dressed up as a drag queen. challenge!

SO, now, we have a plan. First, we meet at platform 9 and 3/4, where we wait for the Hogwarts Express, approx 4:45. We ride the groove train until we reach the Hogsmead station. Leave your muggles at home, because Voldemort can't stop the rock! I think he wishes he could, but he can't.

I thought inquiring minds would want to know, I've decided to give up chocolate for Lent. Now, naysayers, might...say, "But Rachel, aren't you Jewish?" Of course, by naysayers, I mean my mom, and I really can't argue with that impeccable logic. However, at a time when our country is as diverse as ever, we must strive to understand each other's cultures and lives. But, we both know, that that is not at all why I have chosen to give up chocolate, or as they say in my native tongue, chocolate. The reasons are mainly, a) I refuse to be a slave to a culinary item (it all comes back to the man) and b) I have really thick thighs, and I feel a little Myrtle ala The Great Gatsby. Which I'm only two chapters into, so like, don't make any references to it around me, because I wont get it.

So, I have decided to let you, my loyal readers and peers (aka, the other writers of this blog, Tom the 36 year old computer nerd who compulsively clicks, "random blog," and Patrick Swayze.) In on this great and glorious adventure. That will probably only last about a week. I already ate chocolate pudding at lunch today, but come on, it was fat free, and my mom would totally yell at me if I don't eat it ("who else in this house is going to eat it? what a waste!"). Um, I also baked brownies tonight. But, I mean, come on, they're for shobbos dinner tomorrow night, and it's not like I had any. It was arguably the hardest thing I've ever done, next to inventing Rumania and taming a wild panda.

Just sayin' ya know, we all need to test our faith a little, like Jesus. Or, conversely, Kanye West.